Peeserby's 2 cents...

Source: About bionic and histrionics II:
http://sckhsmg2008.blogspot.com/2009/02/peeserbys-two-cents.html

PEESERBY'S 2 cents...

Many keep that thought to themselves and hardly talk about it because apparently, it's been quite a taboo topic especially to discuss it amongst friends whilst over a cup of coffee or table-talk. But quietly, some of us do throw it into an open yet humorous discussion with our closest buddies while there are that few of us who put it onto an open debate when it comes to such an issue with the opposite sex.

There is without a doubt that the men's toilets are by far the dirtiest though aside from that well known fact, there are a few thoughts that will always linger in the mind of the male when he enters the toilet. Among of all the others, the first decision is to decide on a place to pee. In most instances, the modernized toilets come with individual urinals with a wall separating them whilst the more common ones come with shared urinals (somewhat a big spaced urinals that look very much like the scrubbing are in an operating theater). Heh heh... what a comparison!

LESSON 1 - URINAL SELECTION

The main idea is to select a urinal as far as possible from the ones that are being occupied. This comes as a psychological thought process and there is hardly any explanation for it all. One of the most 'logical' explanation as given by one of an earlier flash presentation that I watched years back is that it intrudes into the personal space of another person occupying that slot and minding his own business. Not so much of peeping whilst peeing, as that would not only annoy the person peeing, but also yourself. Who knows that the other person is packing a machine gun while yours is only a modified pistol? See the annoying part? Now let's move on...




The flash animation that I watched also went on to describe the intrusion of privacy giving rise to an abnormal circumstance whereby both the occupants (side by side) will find it hard to either continue to pee or to initiate pee. There could be an explanation to that but as far as I am concerned, I could not provide any possible scientific elaboration on it. Perhaps it could be due to a self-locking mechanism due to the privacy and personal space issue. As if that's not enough, even if the occupant is your closest friend, one should never initiate a tale or two on conversation whilst peeing as it would not only give rise to the feeling of oddities and awkwardness but it would also yield to the other peeserbys of the private conversation that is going on. That's not cool! It's the similar concept as never to talk with your mouth full; you should also never talk with your bladder full. There can only be one organ relieving itself at anyone time, it's either the mouth or the penis. So its up to you to really satisfy which one that you consider as urgent. =P

Caption: Never share a urinal next to another occupant

The lesson learnt here is to select a proper urinal, at least one urinal away from the current one that is being occupied to avoid all of the above happening. If there's a lot of room, spread out to two or three if you would so wish, but if there's none, try using the proper toilets. And if that's also full, it's up to you to wait on patiently if you can, or rush to the packed up urinal pots and relieve yourself if you can't bear on any longer. Speaking of which, I've seen two kids actually sharing a urinal together especially after the Star Wars movie. You can imagine them going uber (urine saber)-lightning with each other over there as the others watched in awe. What? How do they identify which saber's who's? Well... one's darker yellow, the other's colorless.

LESSON 2 - TYPE OF URINAL

Often there are only two different types made available to the public in any of these toilets. One is the smaller, hung up like the grand-father clock's meant for the grown-ups while the other is the longer one touching the floor base meant for the smaller kids. So unless if you want to venture out and try a wholesome new ex-pee-rience, may I suggest that you keep to what you are given with.

LESSON 3 - AIMING & SHOOTING

Amidst many of the opposite sex who would deny the fact that we can't shoot straight because we do have a proper pistol to aim with, these common beliefs are about to be shattered when they discover what a catastro-peeing sight it is to behold as they peep in to have a look. The disaster is everywhere and the aftermath of a peeing carnival can well be witnessed. Even Sherlock Holmes would have a tough time deciding who's pee belongs to who. Smack right dab in the middle of the floor is pee, on the side of the urinal pot is pee, on the floor surrounding the toilet bowl is pee, on the door, pee... and so on and so forth. And don't even get me started on the fecal issues. It's like a warzone in there or should I equate it to an unkempt kitchen especially after a heavy cooking session with loads of oil splatters everywhere.

I don't really know the how-so and the why-so on such an incident that would occur especially when one is equipped with a good-caliber pistol. And to top it off, at least an experience of using it for more than 20 years; while some whose experience is that of a veteran would still miss their target. A few breakdown on the issues would be that of a drunkard who is unable to target their aim properly, or due to the vigorous shaking (of the penis and the whole body too) after peeing, or it could be due to the playful peeing that is often seen in small kids and sometimes even teenagers. Sigh... I do have a lot of observation whilst in this man's playground and I can't say that it's a pretty sight to behold. The latter pee-playing incident is when a male decides to see the trail of his pee forming a twist and a curl as he pee. It's not like he's going to attend the Olympics gymnastic sport with his penis being the gymnast. =.=

Sometimes it could also be due to the fact of length. The longer the 'thing', the greater the back-splash, and so the general idea is to pee sideways, which can sometimes soil the surrounding urinal causing an utmost disgust for the next peeserby. The shorter the thing however, the harder it is to reach the target, and hence the closer the person will get to the urinal, making him look like as though he is raping the urinal, hence again, the disgusting experience especially during the post-pee shaking. Hehe...




LESSON 4 - CLEANING UP

There is no doubt that the men's toilets are the only place where you would want to get your business done and then get right out of there as soon as possible. It's not that of a place to linger on for quite some time save for them smokers who just can't bear not to smoke for a while. Regarding on how dirty the place is, the best thing to do is to hold your breath, get your business done and over with and wash your hands before heading out back again. Imagine to just take a whiff of a sniff and most of the time, you'd either go into a near-fainting spell or acquire a nauseating experience.

When it comes to cleaning up the place after peeing, guys would rank the worse of the two sexes. Most of the time, they would just leave it as it is and walk right out. Hardly do I even hear a flush making its entrance for the orchestra after the trumpeter's trickle come to an abrupt end. And as I make my next entrance, there is no doubt an evident of a small pool or poo nearby depending on what business is being done. I'd say that if all the men with such poor accuracy but loads of ammunition to fire contribute their service by taking out a burning house, chances are, they would succeed no doubt.

Caption: Never talk while you pee

So what would the next peeserby do especially having witnessing the toilet room being contaminated? Nature's call will always be nature's call and so is the basic instinct of monkey see monkey do. Unless if you are of the other sort of species, then you would do your part to flush and spray a little bit of clean water on the side of the toilet bowl to ease the next person's eyes. But come on, do we often do that?

...and to end this entry... allow me to share one of the most gratifying graffiti that I've come across in one of those most well-sent emails.

"Here I come to sit and think
But all I could do is to shit and stink"